I krig og kærlighed

Nå, det går da mildest talt lidt langsomt for mig med den kinesiske blockbuster "Brothers", men nu har jeg i det mindste fået forlænget lånet, så der er håb endnu (jeg vil minde på, at der er tale om over 600 tætskrevne sider på fremmedsprog - og jeg er lidt utidig for tiden).

Der bliver talt meget om bagdele, der bliver blødt meget, grædt meget og grint en del. Stilen er i det hele taget en kende kulørt, men det er meget underholdende faktisk. Som i: hvis nu Charlie Chaplins bedste fandtes som bøger.

Her er et par udsnit, hvor vores hovedperson, Baldy Li, er i gang med en slagplan for at nedlægge Liu Towns skønhed, Lin Hong (hvis bagdel blandt flere han har luret på inde på et offentligt dametoilet for år tilbage - a scandal that was!). Hans bror, Song Gang, er en slags wingman her eller måske nærmere øverstbefalende i Kejser Li's hær:

[Baldi Li pursued Lin Hong with a vengeance and anointed Song Gang as his military advisor. Song Gang had read his share of tattered old books on the art of war and said that in the old times, before engaging in battle, it was customary to send a messenger with a declaration of war. "What I don't know is whether in a combat d'amour it is also necessary to first send a messenger."
   "Of course we should," Baldy Li said ... ]

Det går naturligvis helt galt ad flere omgange, så de må have de helt store kampskemaer i brug.

[That night Baldy Li and Song Gang burned the midnight oil discussing how to break through Lin Hong's game of cat and mouse. When it came to discuss battle tactics, Song Gang suddenly appeared full of wisdom. He closed his eyes and tried to recollect what he could from the half of a tattered volume of Sunzi's The Art of War he'd read. He then opened his eyes, analyzed Lin Hong's oppositional tactics again, and said approvingly, "The car and mouse strategy is fantastic. She can advance to make gains, and then retreat to secure her position."
   After that, Song Gang took up the dictionary of aphorisms and continued leafing through it. Upon finding five more apt aphorisms, he proudly held up five fingers, telling Baldy Li, "If you use these five strategems, you will be assured of breaking through Lin Hong's game of cat and mouse."
   "What are they?" Baldy Li asked excitedly.
   Song Gang counted on his fingers: "Beating around the bush. Coming straight to the point. Laying siege at the outskirts of the city. Penetrating behind enemy lines. Beating to a pulp."
   Song Gang explained to Baldy Li that he had already deployed the first two strategies. Yesterday, when ...] ...

   [Baldy Li's eyes glittered as he asked, "How do I penetrate behind enemy lines?"
   "Go to her house," Song Gang said. "Penetrating behind enemy lines means go into her home and conquer her parents - this is referred to as catching the thieves by first capturing their chief."
   Baldy Li nodded his head vigorously, asking, "And what is beating to a pulp?"
   "Pursue her every day without giving up, until she finally gives you her hand in marriage," Song Gang said.
   Baldy Li pounded the fiercely and shouted, "Song Gang, you certainly live up to the title of being my military advisor."]

Alle burde jo have sådan en wingman - eller i det mindste Baldy Li's mod til at gå i krig.